Out of Date, Shape and Time
Fresh off the press and into your hands! Today’s hot topic is the moment I realized that I am out of date, shape, and time. Last night, I celebrated my mom’s 61st birthday by attending a club with her, my two younger sisters, and my husband. What a learning experience that was for me. I haven’t been to a club in over 20 years and showed up in a black sweater with a white collar lined with pearls, paired with bell-bottom jeans. I was called a nun, albeit a cute one.
Bish, who told me to dress like we were meeting for lunch? Everyone’s ass was out, and if not via clothing, it was displayed when they decided to dance on all fours so that the view was unobstructed. I can’t judge too much about the behavior; I was just taken aback by how much attention it garnered from everyone. The more deplorable and scantily clad, the more attention they received. Meanwhile, me, my fupa, fibroid-enlarged stomach, and beanie over natural hair sidestepping to the tune of an excellent DJ.
Once the reggae came on, I closed my eyes to the bull happening around me and tilted my head back like I was 20 years old again, out at three and getting lost in the Pisces world that is activated with good music and a stimulant. I was determined to enjoy myself no matter what new realizations and embarrassment were currently occurring. Here I was, 40 years old, about to turn 41 in a few months, and back in a place I had forsaken—first through religion, then plain uninterest.
Not much had changed from 20 years ago when I last attended, except my physicality, breath control, and conservative clothing. I used to shut it down, competing with the boys on a rooftop club with lights swaying in the chilly wind. Now, I’m barely busting a grape move and can’t breathe. So, of course, when the after-spot was Waffle House to get some grub, I naturally passed on the moment to buy more food that contributed to my issues. Before you feel too proud, I had two Popeye's Ghost Pepper sandwiches earlier in the day. Still, I did say no to extra sauce.
I woke up the next day feeling like crap. This time, it wasn’t attributed to a hangover from partying hard like I did in my youth. Instead, it was the internal feeling of knowing I had let myself go too far and calculating the amount of work it would take to get back to my starting point—the last time I was trying to get into shape. All with the knowledge that I am older.
I couldn’t even think about busting a heel-and-toe dance move without the real fear of busting both my heel and actual toe in my sensible shoes. So, to keep busy, I smoked the hookah, drank my Long Island, and threw my size 16 ass in a circle on myself to show proper respect to my culture. Regardless of thot happenings and insecure moments, nothing beats the feeling of letting the reggae hit your soul and waistline.
With great humility and before time runs out on getting a grip on my health, I’ll have to turn to intermittent fasting with weightlifting to sculpt the additional mass I’ve accumulated over the years—eating ice cream and cookies while customers assault my headset. Once upon a time, I juiced for days, ate one meal a day with healthy snacks like veggies and fruits. I was told that it wasn’t a sustainable way to achieve a healthy lifestyle.
Well, don’t you know, one day I scrolled Instagram, and everyone was on this diet called intermittent fasting as the most sustainable way to lose weight. Don’t that beat all? Let’s chat about it.
Intermittent Fasting:
Intermittent fasting (IF) is an eating pattern that alternates between periods of eating and fasting. Unlike traditional diets, it focuses on when you eat rather than what you eat. IF has several methods, each catering to different lifestyles and goals:
16/8 Method - Fast for 16 hours and eat during an 8-hour window. Commonly, people skip breakfast and eat from 12 PM to 8 PM.
5:2 Method - Eat normally for five days a week, then consume only 500–600 calories on two non-consecutive days.
Eat-Stop-Eat - A full 24-hour fast once or twice a week, such as fasting from dinner one day to dinner the next.
Alternate-Day Fasting - Fast every other day, either completely or by limiting intake to around 500 calories.
Warrior Diet - Eat small amounts of raw fruits and vegetables during the day and have one large meal at night.
OMAD (One Meal A Day) - Eating just one meal per day within a one-hour window.
Intermittent fasting isn’t just another diet craze—it’s an old-school way of eating that’s making a major comeback. It flips the script on traditional dieting by focusing on when you eat instead of obsessing over every calorie. This approach can rev up your metabolism, help shed extra pounds, and even sharpen your brain function. Plus, it does wonders for keeping blood sugar levels in check. But let’s be honest—there’s no universal fasting blueprint. The real key? Finding a style that blends seamlessly with your lifestyle, energy levels, and, most importantly, what makes you feel good.
Time to try something new. My chosen intermittent fasting schedule keeps things simple and sustainable: a breakfast shake or smoothie to kickstart the day, a balanced lunch to keep my energy up, and a solid dinner before 8 PM. Once that clock hits 8 PM, the fast begins—no late-night snacking, no extra bites, just water, tea, or black coffee to ride it out until the next day. The goal? Fuel my body efficiently, give my digestion a break, and finally start feeling in control of my health again.
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Have a go-to breakfast smoothie or shake recipe that you swear by? I’d love to hear about it! Contact me and let’s swap ideas to keep this journey fresh and exciting. Let’s make this transformation together—one healthy meal at a time!